March 24, 2024
I’ve been very warmed by everyone thanking me for writing this in such a difficult time but the truth is, not much else exists right now. All I want is for people to pray for my mom, for her to know that she’s loved and supported, and of course for her to heal. I’ve tried reading, working, and more but I can’t really focus on anything except her. She’s given us her whole self for our whole lives, and the void of her regular presence is felt heavily.
Yesterday was a waiting game. We sit and stay on guard for her, praying for her, watching her breathe, watching the screens monitoring her blood pressure and heart rate, and we wait. She would hate all the attention if she had the energy to. We think the next step is to get an ultrasound to identify where we can drain the excess water out of the cavities in her abdomen, which should relieve pressure on her organs and reduce pain and other symptoms. The draining might be tomorrow. We’re waiting to be moved to another unit, which will be more comfortable for all of us. We’re waiting for CT Scan results. We’re waiting for calcium levels to go down. Then, the rest in still unsure.
Every day Tammy had been losing strength rapidly but this has been the first morning that she has seemed to have the same amount of strength as yesterday. In her words when asked if she felt better, worse or the same compared to yesterday, “better”. For this, we praise the Lord and slip hopeful tears. Please keep praying. For the cancer to stop spreading, for tumours to shrink and pressure on her organs to decrease, for right and helpful treatment to come quickly, for her body to fight strong.
We’ve been in this strange panicked survival state for a week straight now, and although are all low on sleep, and our bodies are weary with anxiety and sorrow, we are well fed by our family and friends, and are feeling the evidence of being so lifted in prayer. We’ve been working together well as a family, and have a sense of peace here even though the ER feels so dark and draining.
Thank you for all your support <3
